i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
