Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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