bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
