..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
