She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
