So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
