you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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