it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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