1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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