once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
