Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
