Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
