I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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