You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
