I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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