at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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