Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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