just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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