please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
