Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
