We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
