yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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