is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
