apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
