I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
