Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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