Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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