My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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