How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
