11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
