I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
