Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
