I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
