This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
