just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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