help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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