brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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