I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
