We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i now understand why vodka
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
how does that bad decision feel?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
