The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
