I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
