hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize