i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
