He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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