She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
