every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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