The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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