when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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