Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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