I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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