Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
