The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
