dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
