i just sent this text using only my big toe
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
