Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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