I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
