I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
