it's like iHOP with fire
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
