Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
