Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
