i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
