You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
