This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
