what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
