Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
