I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
