i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
