Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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