At least make sure they are 18
Why
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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