i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
