mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
where are my eyebrows?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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