I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize