Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
