She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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