you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
