fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Come see our sink grown plant.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
