I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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