so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
