Will you blow on my dice?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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