just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
