Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
