I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
