I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
