when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
