i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize