You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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