i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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