She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
