Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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